


poor unfortunate souls

by lgbtdove (orphan_account)



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, kind of a crossover??, lol nobody’s gonna read this, peter and una are smol beans, peter is softer than silk, slow updates bcs SCHOOL, tony may make an appearance, una is a dangerous woman, una is basically uma from descendants, wade and una are best friends, wade is overprotective
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 11:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11668218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/lgbtdove
Summary: "Did your sea shell necklace glow?""Wow, looks like you’ve gone crazy.""What was crazy was how your brother mentioned a sea witch yesterday""That’s rich coming from the guy who got his ass kicked by captain amercia"





	poor unfortunate souls

**Author's Note:**

> china anne mcclain as una  
> ryan reynolds as wade wilson  
> dove cameron as mara stewart
> 
> also here's the link to the spotify playlist for this -  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/spideyboos/playlist/08uZZDrafJlJcTZzchatlm

         **18 hours in car with chimichangas, loads of beers cans,** 80's mixtapes and one annoying driver were starting to take a toll on Una. She had been on many road trips with Wade Wilson, her partner in anti hero crime, but this one took the cake. It reeked inside of the black suv and wade's choice of food wasn't doing it any favors. "Do you really think that calling an Uber and end up stealing the car was one of your best ideas?" Una questioned Wade grabbed for a cheeto puff of the bag in her hand. "It's better than getting a godamn rental, god those prices are higher than I'm gonna be in a couple of hours." Una only scoffed at the response.

 

          Una and Wade had been, for lack of a better word, best friends before Una could even speak a word. Wade had told the story so many times that it was permanently burned into her memory — _'Tis was a late drunken night and to his surprise, Wade wasn't the exception of drunk. He was half way through his Kim Possible marathon and 5 cans of beers but he still wasn't where he wanted to be. To answer your question, that place had been drunk outside of a Burger King. Wade began to reach for his next bear until a knock on his door alerted him. He groaned and began to drag his feet across his hardwood floor. 'Who the hell would be knocking on an abandoned orphanage this late at night' he thought to himself. Though, that had been the tale of many stories. But before he even opened the door, he snatched the bottle of liquor on the next table next to the door and took a long sip._

          _He swung the door with his gun in his hand that he found in his robe pocket. Just as a regular shooter would, he fired vigorous shots into the dark alley at no real target. Wade paused his firing as he heard crying, to be honest, screeching coming from below him. He looked down to his feet to see a woven basket under him with what looked to be, a wade hoped it was, a baby. He gasped as a dark skinned tone infant sat laid inside of a basket under him. "I told Dante to get the stripper's names right for once" Wade commented looking at the child's face. Wade hadn't seen many babies in his line of work but he knew this was a girl. He had always had a things for babies. The merc with a mouth might not show it but babies always had a special place in his heart. If you could find it behind the constant jokes and quips._

          _Wade thought for moment. He couldn't just leave the child there in the rain. He also couldn't just let a smile child into his home of many weapons. Wade finally came to a decision. He shrugged and picked up the smile infant and brung her inside. And that was how the dynamic duo of the merc with a mouth and the teenage sea witch came to be._ "Are you even listening trink?" Wade asked breaking off Una gaze outside of the window and her daydream. "Now you know how it feels" Una replies dusting off the cheeto dust from her finger tips. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! THAT'S THE BEST PART OF THE FUCKING CHEETOS!" Wade said in shock trying to catch the dust in his hand. The suv began to swerve through the highway lanes but Una grabbed the wheels before the either killed someone or themselves. But considering Wade's healing factor and Una's bullet proof skin, the odds were in the favors.

"Now I get why you never passed your student's driver test" Una said out of breath trying to preform her sidekick duty's of backseat driving. Well, maybe not backseat but definitely passenger. "I never passed it cause Ms. Henderson said I 'finished' too early, if you know what I mean" Wade commented placing both hands back on the wheel. Una gagged and chuckled afterwards. She could already tell from past experiences that New York was gonna be a twist. Hell, who doesn't love a good twist now and then?

 

▄▄▄▄▄

 

         **Una hated the word 'sidekick.' To her, it meant second best** and that was something she was not. She wouldn't consider herself Wade's sidekick. Wade wouldn't dare call her his sidekick cause if he did, he'd have one less testicle. But she would consider her his anti-hero in crime. They had done everything together. Steal Uber vehicles, crash bachelor and bachelorette parties, trash talk green animated superheroes and most importantly, have their late night fast food adventures. Ah, the best of times.

          Una had been jolted awake by the rumble of constant speed bumps. "What the hell Wade!" Una said with her turquoise braids in her face.

  
              "Well, Good Morning sweetie," Wade greeted in a mother like voice "I hope you a wonderful pumpkin." Una laughed and said "you know I always laugh when you go that voice."

             "Which is why I always do it" Wade replied. Una yawned and asked "So, where are we now?"  "I guess you need some new contacts trink" Wade said stoping the car. Una wipes the crust from the corners of her eyes and looks out the passenger window. She pushed her braids from her face and realized they had arrived in downtown.

             There were skyscrapers galore and pedestrians on every corner. Una was in ah of it all. She had never seen a city like this before. "Well, Welcome to New York asshole" Una said holding out her fist and Wade's collided with her's. As she began to look out at the window once more she knew only thing: New York wasn't ready for the teenage sea witch's power.

  
_**Not even a certain wall crawler....** _

 

**Author's Note:**

> i’ll promise to go into more depth about Una’s abilities in the next chapter ;)
> 
> kudos and comments are much appreciated❤️


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